


Will's Past

by irena_adler



Series: Watson [42]
Category: Numb3rs
Genre: Discussion of Pedophilia, Discussion of underage, M/M, discussion of abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-26
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2018-05-09 11:36:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5538401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irena_adler/pseuds/irena_adler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Don tells Will about his sexual exploits, then encourages Will to finally open up about his damaged past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Tell me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don tells Will about his sexual past.

Originally Published: 12/04/2006 

**Title:** Tell me **  
**Pairing:Don/Will  
Rating: NC-17, FRAO **  
**Summary: Don tells Will about his sexual past. **  
**Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
**Feedback: Yes, please! Feed the author!  
**Warnings:** Slash, M/M  
**A/N:** Thanks to Emilia, my greedy first reader.  


 

  


“Tell me,” Will commanded, his cock grazing over Don’s prostate.

Don shivered and continued his recitation, “Jennifer, she gave me my first blowjob in my parent’s car.Terry, at the academy who I worked with later in LA.Terry was a squeaker.Lots of girls I don’t remember the name of during Fugitive Recovery.Coop and I used to pick up two girls and fuck them side by side.A few times we got the two girls to play with each other and we’d watch and jack off.”

Will stroked slowly in.“Never got the urge to reach over and play with Coop?”

“No,” Don gasped.“I don’t think so.Not that I can remember consciously.”His cock was aching, wrapped up with his balls in this leather strap contraption that they called The Octopus that inhibited orgasm.

Will stroked slowly out again, teasing his prostate.Don groaned.

“Who else?”Will demanded.

“I don’t know, women, girls, lots of them.I already told you about my first and my latest and a bunch of others. _Please_ , Will.”

This had seemed like a simple thing when they’d started.Will had said that he wanted Don to tell him about his sexual partners.Don had smugly said that if Will wanted to hear it all he’d need The Octopus.Will had said that Don would just take it off when he wanted to and Don had blithely agreed to having his hands tied.Now here he was, on his knees and elbows, hands tied above his head, and Will fucking him from behind in a sweet deliberate torture.Don hadn’t counted on how possessive Will could be.

“Who was the youngest?”Will asked.

“Jennifer Swanson, she was the next-door neighbor and I think she was 15, though she looked 20.”

“The oldest?”

“Billy Thompson’s mother, when stayed at his place for Thanksgiving one year. _Please_ , Will, _I’m begging you_.

“The most at once?”

“Three.”

“The most in one week?”

“I don’t know, five or six.Baseball groupies.”

“The weirdest place?”

“Umm,” Don panted.“In the back of a moving pickup truck.”

“Longest time you went without.”

“Will …” Don moaned, feeling like he was going to rupture something if he couldn’t come soon.

“Longest time.”

“When my mom got sick and for a year after she died.”

“Longest time you were monogamous?”

“Kim, Kim Hall in Albuquerque.”

“Best fuck?”

Don gritted his teeth.“An evil bastard named Will Stevens who is about to commit suicide if he doesn’t get me out of this.”

Will laughed with delight and reached around and unsnapped The Octopus.To Don’s surprise, he didn’t immediately explode.He just waited, trembling, while Will built up his momentum, driving towards his own orgasm.Finally Don’s body seemed to realize it was free and he began to shake so hard his teeth rattled.Will groaned and came inside him, triggering Don’s orgasm which tore out of him like sum total of all the orgasms he’d ever had.


	2. You can tell me anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will tells Don about his dark sexual past.

**Title:** You can tell me anything **  
Pairing:** Don/Will **  
Rating:** NC-17, FRAO **  
Summary:** Will tells Don about his dark sexual past. **  
Disclaimer:** Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
Feedback:** Yes, please! Feed the author!  
 **Warnings: Angst, Ped, Abuse, Dark**  
 **A/N:** Thanks to Emilia, even if I did make you cry.  


“You can tell me, if you want,” Don said quietly, his fingers running through Will’s hair.Will’s head lay on Don’s stomach and Will was staring up at the ceiling.Will had been quiet all evening, and Don had finally turned off the movie they were watching while laying on the bed.Last night Don had told Will a good chunk of his sexual history and Will must be wondering if he could do the same.Don understood without Will needing to explain that this would be no trophy-studded recitation of sexual partners.Will’s history was much darker.But Don also sensed that Will needed to share, needed to reveal it to Don.“You can tell me.”

Will made a negative sound. 

Softly, Don said, “There is nothing that you can tell me that will make me love you less, only more.Even if you told me you were a mass murderer.”Don forced a smile.“I may have to arrest you, but I wouldn’t love you less.”

Will gave him a weak smile.

“I love you, Will,” Don said, running his finger down Will’s cheek.“You can tell me anything.But you don’t need to if you don’t want to.If you want, your life can have started the moment we met.”

“Don’t I wish,” Will whispered.He returned to staring up at the ceiling and began to talk, his voice quiet, controlled.“When I was freshman in high school I used to hang out after cross country practice and watch all the senior boys shower and dress.Then I would go into the toilet and jack off, thinking of their young naked bodies.One day, Gary Manz caught me.I hadn’t latched the toilet stall door all the way.I didn’t know it, but he watched me jack off and when I turned around he was there, his cock out.He told me that he wanted me to do the same to him, or else he’d tell everyone I was a fag.I took his cock, oh, it felt so good in my hand, and he came in about two seconds.Then he hit me and left.”

Don silently stroked Will’s cheek.

“The next afternoon,” Will continued, “I hoped he’d let me do it again.Instead, he told me to suck his cock.I didn’t want to, I was scared, but he threatened me again.So I took his cock in my mouth and sucked it like crazy.It tasted so wonderful.I didn’t know what the heck I was doing but Gary seemed to like it and he came in about two seconds again.He hit me and left, but oh, I was hooked.The next day I sucked off Gary and Gary’s friend Trent and the next day …” Will closed his eyes.“I would suck anyone with a cock.I got really good at it and started getting this real reputation around the school.Everyone knew I was a fag but I didn’t care.I also started getting beaten up a lot, usually by the guy I’d just sucked off.But I wasn’t willing to stop, so to defend myself I got more in Aikido, which I’d done off and on since I was a little kid.But Aikido didn’t help at all with what happened next.”

Will opened his eyes again, stared at the ceiling, and took a deep breath.Don tried to lend him strength by his presence and his touch.

“I was fifteen when I first got fucked.He was a substitute teacher and, God, he was beautiful.All muscular and blond and tan.I had solitary detention for fighting and he fucked me right there, over a desk.”

Don’s stomach clenched, bile rising into his throat.

“I thought it was great,” Will said distantly.“I thought he loved me.I used to go over to his house after school and he’d fuck me and send me home.Then he started inviting his friends over to fuck me and … do other things to me.I didn’t mind.It was for _him_ and I was so in love.”

Don gritted his teeth, afraid to say anything to break Will’s confessions, but sick with anger at the man who Will should have been able to trust but who took advantage of a vulnerable, love-starved kid.

“I graduated high school early, half-way through my senior year.For my graduation present, my mom threw me out.Told me to go be with ‘my own kind.’”

Don bit down until his jaw ached.

“I went to him and … he said I was too old for him now, that he had a new boy.”

Don felt a tear sliding down his cheek.He noticed that Will didn’t give this bastard’s name, which was a good thing because Don would then have to hunt him down and kill him.

“He passed me off to another friend who liked things more hardcore.”Will turned his eyes at last to Don, but they were unfocused, looking back through the years.“I didn’t have anywhere else to go.I was too proud to ask my family for help and I had no money.This new guy taught me how to be a good sub.I tried to keep him happy but he got bored of me too and passed me off to yet another friend.I still have scars from that friend.”

Don had stopped stroking Will’s cheek because his fingers were shaking too much.He just lay his hand lightly on Will’s shoulder and tried to project understanding, instead of the anger and helpless fear that he felt. _God, Will …_

Will continued, like he couldn’t stop now that he’d started.“I went from hand to hand, getting hooked on coke, and ended up with a guy who wanted a Dom so I learned how to do that and found I liked it too.He was the first guy I fucked and I liked that a lot.My drug habit got worse and I needed more than this guy was willing to buy for me, so I found a new supplier – the man who was big in that BDSM club.As long as I did whatever other people wanted in the club and did whatever he wanted in private, he gave me as much coke as I wanted.Which was a lot.”

Another man that Don felt a great need to hunt down and kill.He was good at finding people.He could do it.

As if he could hear Don’s thoughts, Will’s eyes finally focused on Don. He touched Don’s cheek and his hand came away wet.“I got out of there, though.Jim, Jim got me out.He was a friend from high school, a guy I ran cross country with but I didn’t know was gay.He got me cleaned up, off drugs, and into the EMT training.”

 _Thank you, Jim,_ Don thought fervently. _I wish I had been there …_

“Jim and I were together for four years.Four good years.He was … he was the first man who I think ever really cared for me.”Will gave a slight shrug.“We fought when I decided I wanted to go into the DEA.We ended up separating because of it.

“Since then, I’ve had a number of lovers – good, bad, or indifferent.There’s been no one I’ve been with for more than a month or two though.”Will took a shuddering breath, his dark eyes wet with unshed tears.“I had come to believe that my … experiences had made it impossible for me to have any other long-term, meaningful relationship.I was just too … broken.”

Don pressed his lips together, the tears spilling down his cheeks and dripping off his chin.

Will ran his finger across Don’s face.“When I first saw you, I wanted you, but I assumed that even if I could have you, it would be just be another brief thing.I didn’t even think I was capable of love.”

Don gave him a shaky smile.“Just goes—“ he had to clear his throat and start again, “Just goes to show how wrong you can be.”

Will stared up at Don, his eyes bleak and frightened, the abused young boy looking through the eyes of the man.

“Will,” Don said, “Thank you for telling me.It’s all behind you now, though, okay?It’s all good.”

“All good?”Will asked cautiously.

“All good,” Don repeated, trying to put every ounce of conviction he had into his voice.He cleared his throat again and said, “And it’s a good thing that you’re not a mass murderer so that I don’t have to arrest you right now.‘Cause I’m quite comfortable where I am and want to see the rest of this movie.”

Will’s lips twitched in the faintest hint of a smile.Don pulled Will up so that Will could rest his head on Don’s chest and Don could wrap his arms around Will’s shoulders.

“I love you, Will,” Don said softly.

“Love you too,” Will said, his voice suspiciously shaky.

Don turned the movie back on, though he doubted either of them saw any of it, and didn’t comment on the quiet sniffling from Will.After a few minutes, the sniffling stopped and Will’s breathing evened out.They lay holding each other and letting normality – their new good normality – settle over them again.

That night, Don made love to Will slowly, tenderly, trying with voice and touch and motion to convince Will that he wasn’t repulsive, wasn’t broken.He was safe now and he was loved.


	3. Backup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don talks to Megan about Will's revelations.

**Title:** Backup **  
**Pairing:Don/Will, Megan **  
**Rating: NC-17, FRAO for adult topics **  
**Summary: Don talks to Megan about Will's revelations. **  
**Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
**Feedback: Yes, please! Feed the author!  
**Warnings: Angst, Ped, Abuse, Dark**  
**A/N:** Thanks to my first readers/betas!  This is a sequel to [You can tell me anything](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/26929.html).

 

  


“Megan?”Don said quietly.“Can I talk to you?”

Megan looked up from her desk.Don didn’t know what she saw in his face but her eyes grew serious.“Sure, what’s up?”

Don looked around at the open office.“Not here.Somewhere private.”

Megan’s eyebrows rose.“Interview Room B is open.”

“Somewhere we won’t be recorded.”

“I’ll make sure we aren’t,” she said firmly.“Meet you there?”

Don pressed his lips together and nodded.He wasn’t looking forward to this but he needed help, the kind of help Megan could give … he hoped.

In Interview Room B, Don fiddled with the shades.He couldn’t sit.He kept telling himself over and over that Will would understand, Will would be alright with him talking to Megan, Will would understand …

Megan came into the room and shut the door behind her.“We’re private,” she said and sat down.She folded her hands on the table and looked at him.

Don sighed.“Look.I’m not going to beat around the bush and say that I have this friend who has a friend who – you know the drill.I need to talk to you about something Will told me last night.”

“Will,” Megan said with quiet confirmation.

Don threw himself into a chair.“Will told me some things about his past that I … I just don’t know how to deal with.I don’t love him any less, god no, I just don’t know … how to help him.”

Megan nodded silently, waiting.

“Oh god,” Don said, putting his head in his hands.“His childhood was so messed up.Well, maybe the early years were okay, but as soon as he started being interested in guys instead of girls …”Don lifted his head from his hands and gave Megan an almost angry glare.“Did you know that his mother told him that he was sick, evil, wrong, every single day after that?”

Megan shook her head sadly.

“His father, the bastard, never told Will otherwise.So Will believed it.What else could he do?”

“Nothing,” Megan agreed.

“So he … he …” He covered his face with his hands.He didn’t know if he could even repeat what Will had told him.He’d heard much worse in his days at the FBI, but this had happened to Will, _his_ Will.

“He must have had a very low sense of self-worth,” Megan said quietly.“He probably participated in behaviors that validated and perpetuated that assessment.”

“In high school, he would give a blow to any boy that wanted it, even though they usually beat him up afterwards.”

“Thus confirming the belief that gay sexual behavior was bad and he deserved to be punished for it.”

Don nodded and tears sprang to his eyes about what was next.He said, very softly so that Megan had to lean forward to hear him, “A teacher abused him, took advantage of him.”

Don slammed his hands down on the table, making Megan jump.“Goddamnit,” he snarled, “This _teacher_ seduced him, fucked him in a class room!And then every day after school from then on.Will believed that this bastard loved him.Can you believe that? _Loved_ him!”

“It’s common for the victims of abuse to believe that,” Megan said in her quiet, calm voice.“An abuser will often tell the victim that he loves him and therefore whatever he does must be okay.”

“How could Will still believe that when this bastard brought over his friends to play with Will too?And he wouldn’t even tell me all the things those friends did to him.”

“He could still have believed it, because he needed to believe it.It justified the situation.”She put her hand on Don’s.“You have to understand that Will had been given a warped view of what love meant.He must have believed that his mother loved him, and she vilified him.When someone was actually ‘nice’ to him, it must have felt like real love.”

“Nice?” Don growled.“ _Nice?_ ”

“Don,” Megan squeezed his hand.“Will was a young vulnerable boy.You can’t blame him for believing what his authority figures told him.”

“I don’t … I don’t blame Will.I just …”He gritted his teeth.“God, I want to hunt down that bastard and kill him.”

“I know—“

“You _don’t_ know what happened next,” he snapped.“Will graduated and his mom threw him out of the house.Threw him out!Told him to go be with ‘his own kind.’”

“And then?”

“Then he went to this _man_ who _loved_ him but he told Will that he was too old now and he had a new boy.”Don clenched his hands into fists, feeling the desperate need to strike out.“He gave Will to one of his bastard friends, like a … hand-me-down.”

“Will felt he couldn’t go home,” Megan stated.

“No, he just got passed from hand to hand and got hooked on cocaine and … You don’t even know.”

“Then tell me,” she said.“Please tell me.It’s eating you up.”

“He became the _property_ of some drug-dealing bastard who was big in a BSDM club and if Will …” Don swallowed and pushed through.“If Will did whatever anyone in the club wanted and whatever the bastard wanted in private, then he would give Will all the drugs he wanted.Will called himself a ‘drug whore.’”Don squeezed his eyes shut, but tears still escaped.“When I think of Will, strung out and doing god knows what for any sicko that walks through the door … I just want to hunt them down and kill them all.Slowly.Starting with that fucking teacher.”

Megan took his clenched left fist in both of her hands.“It’s not going to help you much now, but you need to know that this is a very understandable reaction.Someone you love was hurt terribly.It doesn’t make you a bad person for wanting revenge.”

“Just for wanting, maybe,” he said tightly.“But what about actually doing it?”

“You know you can’t,” she said.

“Why?”Don’s eyes snapped open and he pushed Megan away.He got up from his chair and angrily paced the room.“Why should these evil bastards get away with what they did to Will and I can’t do anything about it?Where’s the justice in that?”

Megan let him pace for a moment then said, “Do you think that would help Will?”

“What?”

“Do you think killing these men would help Will?”

He leaned against the glass wall, pressing his forehead into the smooth cool surface.“No, but it would make me feel a lot better.”

“What you want most is to help Will, right?”

“… Right.”

Megan was silent for a while, probably collecting her thoughts.Don stood with his face pressed against the glass, hoping to god that Megan could help him.

“Don, what you’re dealing with here is a person who was emotionally and sexually abused as a child and into adulthood.He is going to have very fragile self-esteem and probably a terrible fear of abandonment.Can I ask, is the sex between you two okay?”

“Okay?”Don said wryly, “It’s incredible.”

“Good, good.Given his past, I could see sex being a repulsive thing to him.”

“He certainly doesn’t act like that.”

“Good, so he’s had some positive sexual and relationship experiences too.”

Don moved away from the wall and took a seat again.He suddenly felt very tired.“Yeah, his friend, the guy that got him out of that club and off drugs.They were together for four happy years, Will said.”

“Why did the relationship end?”

“Will wanted to go into the DEA and his friend, who was an EMT, I guess he thought that was the wrong thing to do.Too dangerous or too futile or too political, I don’t know.”

“So they separated over a non-sex, non-love issue.That’s good.”

“Yeah, but he’s had no real relationships after that.Will said … he said that he believed he wasn’t capable of another long-term relationship, that he was too … broken.That he was incapable of love.”

“Again,” Megan said softly.“It won’t help at the moment but those are very normal, very understandable reactions. Will had been told constantly that he was deviant, worthless.He could see no value in himself so couldn’t imagine anyone else seeing it in him.”

“But …” Don said shakily, “God, he’s wonderful.He’s the most wonderful guy I’ve ever met.I never even knew I could be so in love.”

“He needs to hear that from you,” she said.“Often.”

“So that’s all I do,” he said with a bitter laugh.“Tell him I love him.That will make everything better?”

“No,” she said quietly.“Nothing will make it all better.This is part of Will’s life, part of him that you can’t just erase or ignore.What you need to do is make the present life the best possible, and do whatever you can to reassure Will that you do love him and want to be with him in the future.That’s if you do.”

“Yes!” Don said sharply.“I do.”In a calmer voice he added,“I’ve, umm, moved in with him.”

“Oh, you have?” she said with a smile.“That’s great!When?”

“Just a few weeks ago.I was gonna tell you guys … soon.”

“I’m sure you were,” Megan said generously.“But this is good, don’t you see?You’re already giving Will clear signals that you’re serious about this relationship.What did you say or do after Will told you about his past last night?”

“Nothing, we just watched the movie.”

“You didn’t say … anything?”

“Oh, I told him that I was glad he told me and that it was all good.And I think I told him that I loved him.”

“Good, good.”Megan nodded.“Do you think he believed you?”

“I … I don’t know.”Don said, then flushed.“Later we, you know, made love.And I tried to show him that I didn’t think he was broken or sick.”

“Good,” Megan said again.“Don, you’re doing great.”

“I am?” he said in surprise.

“Yes,” she said firmly.“Keep doing what you’re doing – reassure him when you can and maybe continue with other overt signs of commitment.”

Don looked at her uneasily.“What, matching tattoos?”

Megan laughed.“If you want.But I was thinking more along the lines of formally introducing him to your friends …”

He gave her a wry smile.“Okay, okay, I get the hint.”

“I know that Charlie and Alan have met Will.Have you met Will’s family?”

“No, he’s been real resistant to that, and I can understand why.”

“You might need to push him a little on that,” Megan said gently.“Will’s family’s treatment of him is part and parcel with his feelings about himself, and if you can manage to make it a positive experience …”

“And if I can’t?If it blows up in my face?”

Megan nodded thoughtfully.“It might.But then it will be a known thing and Will can stop fearing it.And if you can show him that you still love him regardless of what his family might say or do, that they can’t somehow turn you against him, then I think that would do a lot for Will.”

Don nodded and stared at the table.

Megan looked at his face.“There’s something else …?”

Don frowned.“Some other guy got him out of that club and off drugs.Someone else saved him.If that guy hadn’t been there …I could have lost Will before I ever knew him.God, I should have been there.”

“Don,” Megan shook her head.“You were a different person back then.If you would have gotten Will out, would you have been in the position to offer him a relationship?”

He grimaced.“No.No way.Pretty much not until … the very moment I met him.”

“There you go, then,” she smiled.“Perfect timing.You two needed to become the people you are before you could meet.”

“Guess so,” Don said with a shrug, still feeling like he should have helped Will somehow.

Don took a deep breath and stood up.He felt a little lighter, now that he’d talked about it and now that he had a plan.Maybe he could talk his dad into having a party at his place, a sort of “coming-out” party.

Megan stood up too and Don smiled at her.It had definitely been the right thing to do to talk to her.He’d need to tell Will about this talk, but he thought Will would understand.He cleared his throat.“I don’t have to tell you not to tell anyone about this.”

Megan smiled and gave him a one-armed hug.“No, you don’t. But please come and talk to me whenever you need to.”

“My own personal psychologist?”Don said wryly.

Megan gave him a little shove.“How about your own personal friend?”

“Yeah,” Don agreed, “Even better.”

“Let me know how things go, especially if you meet his family, ok?”

“As long as you don’t analyze it psychologically,” Don teased.

“That’s like telling you not to think like a cop,” Megan shot back.

“True,” Don said.“But if you start talking about Freud …”

“Freud is so passé, didn’t you know?”

“No, I didn’t,” Don laughed.It felt good to laugh.Megan turned to walk back to her desk and Don turned the other way.

“Where are you headed?”Megan asked.

Don pulled out his cell phone.“Gonna give Will a call.Just to say ‘hi.’”

“Good idea,” Megan smiled and walked away.

Don flipped open his phone and walked towards the outside door.He pressed a speed dial number and walked out to the patio.

“Don?”Will’s voice said.Was it just Don’s imagination, or did he sound nervous, unsure? _Well, it’s my job to get rid of that uncertainty._

“Hey, babe,” Don said warmly. “How ya doing?”

  
  



	4. A name

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don asks Will for a name.

**Title:** A name **  
**Pairing: Don/Will **  
**Rating: NC-17, FRAO for adult topics **  
**Summary: Don asks Will for a name. **  
**Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
**Feedback: Yes, please! Feed the author!  
**Warnings: Angst, Ped, Abuse, Dark**  
**A/N:** Thanks to my first readers/betas!  This is a sequel to [You can tell me anything](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/26929.html) and [Backup](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/27773.html).

 

Don pressed his lips together and looked at Will.His lover’s eyes were on the baseball game, and he was smiling.Will smiled so easily.His temper was just as quick, but Will had worked on that, knew how to handle it.Will told Don once that when he was undercover, he never lost his temper.It was because he was playing a role, a different person, a Not-Will.So, in a way, it was a good thing that Will could lose his temper and snap at Don.That meant Will wasn’t playing a role, that he was being himself.Not that Don enjoyed the whip-lash of that temper, no matter how sorry Will was for it later.How would he react to the question Don needed to ask him?

Don had thought a lot about this question.He’d talked with Megan about it and she was divided, but understood Don’s need to ask it.He didn’t want to bring up old memories, didn’t want to remind Will of his ugly past and how hard it must have been to tell Don about it.But this question was becoming all that Don could think about.He reminded himself that he and Will had vowed truth in their relationship and took a deep breath.

At that sound, Will turned to look at him.

Before Don could change his mind, he asked, “That teacher.The one who … you know. What was his name?”

Will flinched, like he’d been hit.“Why?” 

Don carefully touched Will’s arm.“ _Aein_ , it’s not for morbid curiousity.I just need … I just need to make sure he’s not teaching any more.”

Will stared at him, his dark eyes wide.“Just that?”

“I promise I won’t do anything to him,” Don said, trying to keep his voice even.“Though God knows I want to.But it doesn’t matter if I want to or not.I don’t think even if I killed the guy it would help you, and that’s all I care about, okay?”

“You’d … kill him?”Will asked.

“In a heartbeat,” Don said, and knew he meant it.He’d killed before but would probably never do it with as much relish as he would the animal who had seduced, twisted, and abandoned the teenage Will.No, worse than abandoned – handed him on to a series of animals who had continued to hurt and twist Will.“Do you want me to?”

Will just stared at him, panting like he’d just run a sprint.

“Will?” Don said.“ _Aein_?”His hand tightened on Will’s arm.

“Yes,” Will whispered.

“Yes, you want me to kill him?”Don asked gently.

“Yes, I do,” Will whispered.“But I’m not going to let you.I love you more than I hate him.”

Don gave him a weak smile.He was relieved to hear that Will hated the man.This man had warped Will’s view of love so much that Will might still believe he loved him.Don knew that Will did believe that he’d deserved what the man had done to him.Don was working on that, but knew it would require a lot of time and love.No matter, Don was in it for the long haul.

Don touched Will’s cheek.“I’m sorry to have to ask you this, my love, but I need to make sure that he’s not ... in a position to hurt anyone else.”

Will reached out to Don and Don came quickly into his arms.Will held Don tightly, so tight it was hard to breathe, but Don didn’t complain.He could feel Will shaking and felt angry at himself for bringing the horrid subject up again.He’d promised Will that it was all behind them.It had been a long time ago, after all.But if there was the slightest possibility that this animal had some other young vulnerable boy under his thumb …

“Okay,” Will said at last, and gave him the name.


	5. Research

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Megan does some research for Don.

**Title:** Research **  
**Pairing: Don/Will, Megan  
Rating: NC-17, FRAO for adult topics **  
**Summary: Megan does some research for Don. **  
**Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
**Feedback: Yes, please! Feed the author!  
**Warnings: Angst, Ped, Abuse, Dark**  
**A/N:** Thanks to my first readers/betas!  This is a sequel to [You can tell me anything](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/26929.html), [Backup](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/27773.html) and [A name](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/28320.html). **  
**  


 

  


“Don?”Megan asked.“Are you ready for this?”

“No,” Don said.“But hit me anyway.”He’d asked Megan to do the research for him.He was afraid that if he’d found out the man’s address that he would go there and kill him.This wasn’t an idle fear, but one based on knowledge of himself and his capabilities. It had been a long time since he’d hated someone so intensely and so personally.He’d reminded himself that Will wouldn’t want that, and put Megan in between himself and his target.

“Okay.”Megan slid a picture across to Don.It was of a tall blond man, muscular and smiling.He seemed to be wearing a uniform from some martial art and holding a trophy.Don’s hands clenched around the picture, shaking with the urge to rip the paper apart.

Megan began her recitation, “He was born in LA in 1962, graduated from El Camino Real Senior High in 1979.No known juvenile record.Got a teaching certificate from East Los Angeles College in 1983.Worked as a substitute teacher for Los Angeles Unified School District from 1983 to 1992, solely in the high schools.He also worked as a soccer coach and wrestling coach for the district.During that time he was arrested twice for sex crimes against minors, but never got convicted and somehow managed to keep his arrests from his employer.”

Don nodded tightly, his lips pressed together.

“In 1992, he was arrested again and that time it stuck.He got 6 months in county jail and two years probation.”

_Just six months for destroying children’s souls…In some ways, it’s worse than killing them._

“After he got out of jail, he obviously couldn’t go back to his old job.He became a karate instructor at a club.I guess karate instructors are so hard to find you’d hire a convicted sex offender.”Megan’s voice was bitter but calm.

Don bit the inside of his cheek.So he had access to even more children.Maybe he’d even moved onto younger kids.He looked at the file under Megan’s hands and tried to breathe normally.

“In 1998, he was shot and killed by a former student who then killed himself.”

Don blinked, stunned.“He’s … dead?”

“Eight years ago,” Megan confirmed.“The boy who shot him left a long rambling video suicide note.The crux of it was that our man had been sexually abusing him for years but had turned him away because he was too old, just like he did Will.The boy said that he loved him and couldn’t live without him.Something about them being together in the afterlife where you don’t grow old.”

Don closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. _Just like he did Will …_ Will could have been that boy who had killed his abuser and himself … _No, Will is fundamentally stronger than that.He doesn’t realize it, but he is._

Uncovering his eyes, he stared at the picture of the brightly smiling man and tried to figure out what he felt.Satisfaction that the man was dead, anger that he himself had been cheated of his revenge, frustration that Will had feared this man for eight more years than he’d needed to.

“I guess someone finally fought back,” Megan said quietly.

“Someone else who believed that this animal loved him,” Don said, struggling to understand.

“There are people - you’ve met some – who everyone adores and defends even after they’ve been convicted of mass murder.”

“Yeah,” Don said, shaking his head.He doubted he’d ever really understand … and maybe that was a good thing.

They sat in silence for a moment, Don absorbed in his thoughts and Megan giving him space.

“I’ll need to tell Will,” Don said at last.“Do you think he’ll … be happy?”

“I don’t know,” Megan said honestly.“Maybe not right away, but eventually.”

“Should I … should I be happy?”

Megan’s lips twisted.“Same answer – maybe not right away, but eventually.”

Don nodded.He didn’t feel happy at the moment.He just felt angry and … powerless.He’d wanted to do something for Will, something to try and make up for not being there for Will all those years ago.Maybe giving Will this news would be a small piece of help.

But he’d wanted the man’s blood.Wanted him cowed and pleading at his feet, begging for forgiveness as Don slowly raised his gun.Wanted to replace the image of the man’s smiling face with the memory of the man’s head snapping back, his blood and brains sprayed across the wall behind him.Eventually Don would probably be glad that the man was dead, that he hadn’t been on the Earth for eight more years just so Don could get his revenge.But at the moment it felt like a hollow victory.

“This is for you.” Megan pulled from her file a large folded-over piece of paper.She unfolded it and handed it to Don. He took it reluctantly.It was an enlarged picture of just the man’s head and torso, approximately life-sized.

“Why would I want this?” he said with distaste.

Megan gave him a sideways smile.“It’s just about the right size for a gun-range target.”

Don stared at her and began to smile back.“You are amazing,” he said.

“I know, I know,” she said with a grin.

Don pointed at the picture.“Do you think that Will …?”

“No,” she said firmly.“I’m sure just giving you the name of the man was traumatic enough.Seeing his picture would not help Will in any way.”

Don shrugged, taking Megan’s expert word for it.He folded the enlarged photo closed and stood up.“Well, I’m feeling the need for some shooting practice.Wouldn’t want to get rusty.”

Megan smiled.“As a person who’s usually nearby when you’re shooting, I have to agree.”She picked up the file and prepared to leave the interview room.

Don put his hand on her shoulder and tried to find something to say that would show her how much he appreciated what she’d done for him and Will.

Megan gripped his hand.“You’re welcome,” she said quietly.

Don leaned over and kissed her on the cheek.“Thank you.”

She nodded and released his hand.

Don turned and headed straight for the elevator and his car.He spent the afternoon putting round after round into the picture until it was little more than shreds.He removed the tatters, took a deep breath, and dropped the remains of the man into the trash can with the rest of the old garbage.

 


	6. News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Don tells Will what Megan found.

**Title:** News **  
**Pairing:Don/Will **  
**Rating: NC-17, FRAO for adult topics **  
**Summary: Don tells Will what Megan found. **  
**Disclaimer: Not my characters, not my world, making no money. **  
**Feedback: Yes, please! Feed the author!  
**Warnings: Angst, Ped, Abuse, Dark**  
**A/N:** Thanks to Munchkin.  This is a sequel to [You can tell me anything](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/26929.html), [Backup](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/27773.html), [A name](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/28320.html), and [Research](http://irena-adler.livejournal.com/28505.html#cutid1). **  
**

  


 

  


“Will, you know I love you, right?”Don asked as he gave Will a welcome home hug.

Will laughed.“Why, did you dent my car or—“Will pulled back from the hug and looked at Don.Laughter fled at the look on Don’s face.He looked anxious, worried.Don never looked worried.

Will touched Don’s cheek.“ _Aein_ , what is it?”

Don gripped Will’s hand against his cheek and said, “You know that name I asked you to give me a few days ago?”

Will went cold. _No, no, no, that’s supposed to be the past …_

“I asked Megan to do some research.”

Will tried to pull away, but Don held him tight and locked eyes with him.

“She found out what happened to him for me.”

_Megan knows, Megan knows …_ Will was finding it hard to breathe.

“It’s okay,” Don said quickly.“Megan won’t tell anyone or judge you.She has things in her past too.”

_How can they be as horrible?_

“Megan found out that he had been abusing other boys, for years.He even went to jail for six months for it.”

Will’s breathing grew labored, his chest felt tight, his throat closed.“Did you find out where he was?” Will whispered.“Are you going to kill him?”

“For you, I would,” Don said softly, “But someone already beat me to it.”

“… What?”

“A boy that he’d been abusing killed him then committed suicide.Back in ’98.”

Will stared at him, trying to process this information.“Ninety … eight?” 

“Eight years ago,” Don said.“Killed by one of his victims when he tried to dump him.”

“Killed …”Will began to shake all over and his legs gave out.Don kept him from falling and gently lowered him to the couch.

“I’m so sorry, Will,” Don said, pushing Will’s hair away from his face.“I had to find out.”

“Dead?” Then Will was laughing and crying and shaking and Don was holding him and rocking him.

“Sshh, sshh,” Don said softly.“I’m sorry, I’m sorry that I had to go and dig that up, I’m so sorry.”

_Dead?He’s… dead?_ So many times had Will wished him dead and now that he was …He had been killed by someone very much like Will. _1998?_ That had been back when Will was in DEA training.All that time after he moved back to LA, he’d worried that he’d run into him in a gay bar or just turn the corner and he would be there, all big and blonde and Will would melt like a little boy.

Will lifted his head and looked at Don.Don’s eyes were wet and he wiped tears from Will’s face.“I’m so sorry, _aein_ ,” Don said miserably.“I shouldn’t have done that to you out of some stupid—“

“Thank you,” Will said quietly.

Don’s hand stopped and his eyes widened, the tears threatening to spill.

“Thank you,” Will said again.He held Don’s hand and rubbed it against his cheek.Will had no idea what he would have felt like eight years ago if he’d found out _he_ was dead, but now … There was a tight tangle of emotions – hate, anger, loss, pain, but the most overwhelming feeling was … relief.He would never have to fear him again.Don had given him that.

He kissed Don softly on the lips then pressed his forehead to Don’s.“He’s gone,” Will whispered, “Truly gone.”

“Yes,” Don said, his voice breaking.“I wanted to kill him for you, Will.I’m sorry that I can’t.”

Will lifted his head from Don’s and gave him a weak smile.“I remember once, a long time ago, you calling me a ‘protective hardass.’”

“Well, you are,” Don said, his voice still rough with emotion.

“And so are you,” Will said, cupping Don’s cheek with his hand.

“I wanted to … You got to, with Channing.”

“I know, babe, but it’s not quite the same.”

“No,” Don agreed softly.“You saved me from Channing and I did nothing for you.”

Will rolled his eyes.“Don Eppes, you have done more for me than any other person ever.Even Jim.”

“But—“

Will interrupted him with a kiss.He couldn’t figure out how to make Don realize that every day he gave him light and energy, love and hope, a talisman against the darkness.Instead, Will just said, “Thanks, _aein_.Really.”

Don nodded slowly.

Smiling, Will scrubbed the tears from his cheeks.“You know what, Eppes?I feel like getting roaring drunk.”

“Oh no,” Don said, rubbing his own eyes.“That sounds hazardous.”

“I’m a fun drunk,” Will said, with a cheerfulness that was only a little forced.“What about you?”

“Mopey,” Don said.“Maudlin, even.”

“Hmm,” Will said.“How about I get roaring drunk and you just get a little drunk?”

“That doesn’t sound like fun,” Don said with a shaky laugh.

“Sure, it’ll be.We’ll take a cab down to Fat Johnson’s and see if we can drink Johnson under the bar.”

“Good luck on that,” Don said, standing up and offering Will his hand.

“I feel like one of Johnson’s Specials,” Will said, taking Don’s hand and standing.

“Oh, feeling brave tonight?”Don smiled.

“Absolutely,” Will said, pulling Don close and kissing him.“Since I’ve got my very own protective hardass with me.”

Don grinned and held up his phone.“I’ll call that cab.”  


  



End file.
